[22 wishes]

i am 22 after all

assalamu'alaikum,



I'm always fragile,

"once broken considered sold"

but then I realized, after pondering upon His love,

am I have the right to feel soooo sad?

to compared with the companions and their challenges.

I should be grateful of what I have right now.

eventhough the days wasn't cheered enough.

at least, I can cry.

and laugh.

there's... hmm I lost my word.

I would love to see the birds flying in the skies,

I can giggle when seeing the cats ran with their four-legs. (so funny seriously :D)

and the most I love, I can pray.

all those 'can' makes me rethink,

finally I remake me believe that, fragility doesn't always makes me weak.

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assalamu'alaikum,

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assalamu'alaikum,

Today we, most of my batch-mates had remedial for OSCE. We already had 11 or 12 stations yesterday and I stucked for two stations; the intramuscular injection as well as wound suturing.

Yeah, I was sooo nervous so I hold the needle-holder wrongly and Dr. B recognized that. Dang. However she makes me even more trembling .

After 9 minutes, I finished the task, to suture a 3cm cut wound and she said, "Do you know what is your mistake?"

Silence.

Of course I don't have courage to speak.

"You should not touch the sterile drape"

and I'm really worried if I can be failed because of that reason.

A fail in remedial OSCE meaning I have to repeat all stations for next years. It is really scared-me-to-death.

So I return home with sorrow and grieve. Helpless. Heartless. I called my mum, she asked me to be patient and strong. He sent SMSs , gave some motivation-speech. His mum also do the same thing and she taught me a du'aa.

"Hasbiyallah, 'alaihi tawakkaltu wa huwa rabbul 'arsyil 'azhim"

Then, I logged in my facebook account, and found this;

tawakkul (trusting and relying on Allah) is realizing that our Protector has a plan for us. Tawakkul is having complete trust that Allah’s plan is the best plan. Tawakkul is having full faith that Allah will take care of you—even when things look impossible. (read here)

and leading me to;

Tawwakul is not an act of the limbs—it is an act of the heart. And so while the limbs are striving hard, the heart is completely reliant on Allah. This means whatever the outcome of the limbs’ striving, the heart will be completely satisfied, knowing that it is the flawless decision of Allah.

But in order to reach this level, one must hold on to hope, strive with the limbs, and let go with the heart. (read here)

What can I say now, Ya Allah, please stay with me..

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assalamu'alaikum,

... time for me to experience a lost. I'm praying to Allah to have a great memory forever. I want to keep him (Atok) in my mind all the times, so that he (Atok) will be a strength for me to pursuit the Jannah.

Al-Fatihah...

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assalamu'alaikum,

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assalamu'alaikum,

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assalamu'alaikum,

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assalamu'alaikum,

saya cemburu. kenapa macam ni? mungkin doa saya masih belum cukup lengkap. perlu meminta lagi pada Yang Esa.

"Ok sayang."

ia hanya sebaris ayat. tapi kenapa saya sedih?

eh bukan. bukan sedih, tapi terasa pilu.

kenapa bukan saya yang menerima SMS itu?

bukan isi message itu yang penting, tetapi, pengirimnya.





whatever comes, i'm always love you, abah.

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assalamu'alaikum,

sejak dua menjak ni semua entry saya berbaur emosi. kejap kejap nak mengamuk. hormone sangat tak stabil.  kasihan pulak kat readers, bukan dapat ilmu bila menyinggah ke sini, buang masa je kan. ampun beribu ampun, sembah patik harap diampun. T______T

makin hari, saya makin tak kenal dgn diri saya sendiri.

the one who is writing now is not the real Diyana. LOL



oh don't worry, i still can't be diagnosed as schizophrenic, because i don't have any hallucination or delusion. *joking*

cuma rasanya saya ada split personality sekarang ni. who want to help me? takde? ok fine. *merajuk*

sejak kecil, saya memang sangat terkenal dgn perangai keras kepala dan kuat merajuk. mak, abah, atuk, nenek, pakcik, makcik (saya ada 6pasang pakcik-makcik haha), dan mungkin jiran saya tahu perangai buruk tak senonoh ni. mestilah kan sebab saya the apple of their eyes since i am the first child a.k.a. grandchild a.k.a niece plus with my cuteness hahaha ni memang gila perasan.

sekejap T___T and sekejap hahaha. watdehek.

ok, sambung cerita.

tahap keras kepala saya memang sampai takde sorang pun mampu mengubah keputusan terakhir yg saya buat. hitam kata saya, hitamlah! grrr macam Hitler. dan bila saya merajuk, saya akan membisu sampai angin saya reda sendiri. kadang-kadang ada terdetik kat dalam hati nak lari dari rumah, tapi apa saya buat? saya hanya keluar dan duduk ditepi rumah sahaja sambil mengadu pada angin. hahaha bunyi loser plus dramatic.

itu hanya drama seorang anak kecil berumur 6 tahun.

sekarang pun ada rasa nak lari dari rumah tapi takut kena culik dan kena jual pulak. 

sekarang ni hamik kau dah tercampak kat Bandung. sobssss nak balik rumah! *homesick*

dan semalam terbukti betapa kerasnya kepala saya bila saya membatalkan kehadiran utk sebuah camp pada saat akhir. ya, saat yang sgt AKHIR. and as I tell u before, no one can change my final decision.

i had something in my mind and something in my body that contradict each other. my cerebral cortex says go but my motor organs say don't go.

padahal saya dah siap packing for the camp and a day before, I am the most excited girl in the house for the holiday. (it is iDARE camp, for dakwah and tarbiyah course)



hidayah itu milik Allah, tetapi kita mestilah berusaha utk berubah dan mencari hidayah itu.

yes, ini entry merajuk dgn ehem ehem, merajuk dgn diri sendiri.

"Sesungguhnya kamu tidak akan dapat memberi petunjuk kpd org yg kamu kasihi, tetapi Allah memberi petunjuk kpd org yg dikehendakiNya, dan Allah lebih mengetahui org2 yg mahu menerima petunjuk"
28:56

ps : adakah diri saya yg belum mahu menerima petunjuk? T___T anda, tolong doakan sy ye!

 

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assalamu'alaikum,


>:(

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assalamu'alaikum,

hai semua. dah lama tak update blog ni. hehe so, maybe this will be a kind of long long post! :D

first of all, lemme tell u that, I Love Roses, like this, uhh sorry, like these ;





and this ;








and last 'this' ;





red roses are gorgeous aite? ;)

ok, second of all, rasanya, sy belum wish selamat berpuasa lagi kan? hehe hmm, disebabkan sekarang ni dah masuk fasa ke-2 bulan Ramadhan, sy nak ucapkan pd anda semua semoga kita berpeluang untuk merebut anugerah malam Lailatul Qadar. menurut sesetengah pendapat, malam Lailatul Qadar, iaitu malam yg lebih baik dr 1000 bulan ni dianggarkan jatuh pd 10 malam terakhir. tp, apa salahnya kalau kita mula dari sekarang, kan? :)

When you try more, you might get more.

then, thirdly, i has just finished the Endocrine and Metabolism System. baru semalam habis exam, tp seriously, sy belum puas baca Greenspan's. utk system ni, sy cuma belajar 6 cases shj. dan tak mungkin la my future-patients cuma ada penyakit yg sy belajar je kan? diseases are modifiable, based on chemicals around us and nutrient(food).

psl food ni, dari muda lagi kita kena jaga makan tau. jgn main belasah je nak mkn manis2, unless you are hypoglycemic. and instant food, macam KFC tu. kalau nak makan instant food, make sure sebulan sekali je ok.

ahh you know what, i'll be absolutely strict on controlling diet of my husband and kids. *rolling eyes*

especially fat, because fat can damage the insulin-receptors on body cells. insulin akan bind dgn receptor supaya glucose can be taken up by cells. baru lah glucose boleh digunakan secara berterusan. kalau glucose bnyk melarut dlm darah, tu yg boleh jd hypertension and diabetes. then tell me, once insulin receptors tu rosak, cmne nak repair? this is biochemistry thingys. ala, health issue have become common things for u all kan? :)

so, take care of your health! :)

*1-next monday sy dan kawang2(bahasa ganu amal) akan mula belajar neuro system. its quite exciting, but i don't know whether i can cope with it or not. hope everything going fine.
*2-i'll be back home for this EidFitri. yeahooo! :D
*3-exam sudah habis, so? keep on praying buddies! ;)

Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.

 i love u, now and always.

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assalamu'alaikum,

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assalamu'alaikum,

ada orang tanya, kenapa jarang update blog? jawapan paling selamat yg sy boleh beri ialah busy.

tapi, sebenarnya sy ada banyak sebab utk tak update blog. walaupun sy teringin sgt2 utk berkongsi apa yg sy lalui sehari demi sehari. sbb sy sedar, dalam kehidupan ni ada bnyk pengajaran dan iktibar utk kita semua. i read yours and u read mine. tak kisahlah kisah org yg serba serbi sempurna atau org yg kerap dilanda badai. kesusahan dia buat sy bersyukur dan kesenangan dia buat sy rasa betapa berkuasanya Sang Khaliq. subhanallah.

sebagai seorang pelajar, rutin harian sy agak dull. keluar pagi, balik petang. selepas solat isyak, selesaikan kertas pembentangan. bila hujung minggu menjelma, berangan-angan untuk menghabiskan bacaan subjek yg belum difahami. even though in the end of the day, it wasn't done! bila rasa bosan, main game atau tengok movie. kalau rasa stress, cuba utk bangun tahajud demi mencari penawar yg terbaik. anda pun begitu bukan?

dan disebabkan inilah, sy cuba untuk melihat dunia dari perspektif yang lain. kadang-kadang apabila diulit kesenangan, sy mudah hanyut. sy rasa selesa. tetapi, sy tahu yg itu sgt bahaya. sebagai solusi, sy jadikan diri sy sebagai 'kambing hitam' dalam events yg sy lihat. hakikatnya, kehidupan di sini sgt jauh berbeza dgn apa yg kita miliki di tanah air tercinta, Malaysia. kemiskinan itu sgt menyeksa. dan hanya kasih sayang Allah yg menjadi kekuatan. inilah ilham bagi blog sy.

sy hanya insan biasa. punya hati dan perasaan. sy akui, sy mudah tersentuh. sesungguhnya benarlah, lidah itu yg paling tajam. lebih tajam dari mata pedang. sy bukan minta untuk ditatang bagai minyak yg penuh, mahupun layanan umpama bidadari syurga. tetapi, cukuplan dgn penghormatan yg seadanya. kalau boleh, sy mahu menulis dengan rasa aman, physically n mentally. sy tak mahu tulisan sy berbaur dgn perasaan benci dan marah yg meluap-luap. sy nak apa yg sy tulis sampai ke hati mereka yg membaca. but i'm worry that i can't endure that. ;(

i'd be better end here. thanks friends for reading this.

ops, sy tak tuduh awak.

biar org buat jahat pd kita, tp kita mesti sabar dan teruskan buat baik pd dia. terus senyum kerana dunia ini terlalu indah utk ditangisi. :')

ps : sy rindu 'kawan' sy, sgt2!

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assalamu'alaikum,

Allahu Allah

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assalamu'alaikum,

nak jerit boleh x?

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assalamu'alaikum,

selamat hari jumaat! :)

di saat kengkawan aku pergi tutorial skrg ni, aku sedang menghupdate belog. muahaha *evil grin*

td baru je balik dari klinik padjadjaran (KLIPAD), jumpa doc n ambil ubat. doc tu bg aku ubat batuk, antibiotik n vitamin.

aku tak paham ape function vitamin tu. tak cukup makan ke aku ni? -_-"

pagi semalam aku dah start batuk batuk kecil. tapi aku relax je la. ala, batuk sikit je kan.

petang tu tekak aku jadi sakit dan suhu badan aku naik mendadak. nafas sendiri pun rasa panas semacam. tekak pulak gatal gatal.

so, aku makan ubat batuk dan tidur, dgn harapan bila bangun tidur je semua rasa sakit tu akan hilang. tapi, baru aku faham kenapa orang sakit lebih suka tidur. sebab kita tak rasa sakit semasa tidur. dan kesakitan itu seperti berpuluh kali ganda bila kita bukak mata.

serious, rasa macam tak nak bangun.

tiba tiba terlintas di fikiran. aku cuba utk taknak makan ubat. aku nak rasa betapa sakit nya demam ni.

so, semalam aku pergi taklim dalam keadaan pucat n tidak berseri seri seperti selalu hahaha dan mendengar taklim yg bertajuk 'SYAITAN'.

maaflah abg arip, sy tak fokus. 

di akhir taklim tu, fikiran aku berkecamuk. AKU NAK BALIK! kepala aku dah berat. pening. sakit. semua ada. tapi, xpe, Aisyah cakap, 'Sabar ye, ilmu ni..' aku angguk angguk. bila kepala aku dah menghadap lantai, aku pejam mata. aku picit dahi.

so, selepas habis taklim, aku mendahului barisan utk pulang ke bilik. aku antara org yg jalan di hadapan. sepanjang jalan, aku diam. aku cuma mampu berbisik. sampai bilik je, aku hempaskan badan ke atas katil. tarik selimut tutup kaki je. peluk bantal sekuat kuat nya. handphone, tissue dan botol air aku letak ditepi bantal. aku dah tak larat nak berdiri. rasa macam kaki tak jejak lantai.

aku jeling Paracetamol kat atas meja. aku dah berazam tak nak makan ubat. aku nak rasa kesakitan.

well, selama ni asal sakit sikit je aku terus makan Panadol etc. ubat tu actually dah lumpuhkan rasa sakit kita. tanpa ubat, barulah kita rasa kesakitan yg sebenar.

setuju? cubalah.

aku cuba nak lelapkan mata tapi tak boleh. pejam mata rasa sakit. bukak mata lagi la berkali ganda rasa. aku sentuh leher dan dahi. terasa panas. masa tu, aku ingat Allah. rasa dekat sangat sangat.

alangkah hina nya aku. bila gembira, Dia yg kat atas tu aku lupakan. bila sakit, Dia lah yg pertama aku cari. ampunkan aku Allah. :'(

setelah setengah jam aku cuba utk melelapkan mata. aku menyerah kalah. aku makan juga ubat itu. at least, aku dah rasa nikmat sakit.  


Alhamdulillah :')





ps : doakan aku cepat sembuh ye :)

wassalam..

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why was he alone?

redah je la apa yg ada kat depan. be brave dear! :')

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